


Glass and Glue

by DylanCruca



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Reconciliation, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-10 21:24:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13510068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DylanCruca/pseuds/DylanCruca
Summary: Kurt does something sweet for Jane, but she isn't sure why. Worse, he seems resigned to their relationship's fate. She vows to make things right, but he's evasive. Post 3x11.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N-Again, I have been equivocating over whether or not I should post this, but I'm going to. I'm sure there are lots of fics like this right now, but I wanted to work through a few things in my own way. This will only be 3-4 chapters. I am still working on my pirate fic, and hope to post the next chap of that by Tuesday. I'll go between these 2 for the time being.

**Chapter 1**

Everything had happened so fast, all of it. Again, Jane's life had been torn apart, turned upside down, and settled in some wildly different configuration. Still, even when Clem had offered one last time for her to come along, she didn't hesitate when she thanked him but declined. As comforting as it had felt to see a friend, he didn't belong here with her, and she didn't belong with him. She felt a sense of relief when he finally left. She belonged here, with her team, with her family.

Her survival and protective instincts began to ease, and anger waned, and the trail of wreckage she'd left in her wake became obvious. She'd been so single-minded about her feelings about her daughter that everything else around her had gone black, and now that she could see the damage, it was far greater than what she'd expected. She remembered Kurt's eyes when she'd seen him last. She had opened her mouth, intent on offering a quick opening apology before asking him if they could talk after things settled down. But by the time she'd brought in enough breath to speak, he nodded and said, "Good work today," and was gone.

She'd fallen asleep leaning on a desk in the bullpen, refusing to leave until she had a chance to talk to Avery. Standing and stretching once she'd awoken, she decided to go see where the girl, her daughter, was now. Jane wasn't about to let her be locked up like Roman had been. Before she'd finished stretching, the light in the conference room caught her attention. She looked in through the open blinds, surprised to see only Kurt and Avery sitting next to each other, conversing.

A quick scan made it clear that he didn't have her restrained. Avery was very calmly talking, appearing at ease. Kurt pointed to something on the table, and seemed to be explaining in great detail. The younger nodded and listened, and Jane realized that Kurt probably knew Avery better than she did. He stood to leave, but Avery jumped in front of him and blocked his path. Jane could see Avery mouth "I'm sorry," not once, but three times, and the pleading in her eyes emphasized the truth in her words.

Kurt shrugged it off, dismissing the apology. She knew what he looked like when he was trying to intimidate, and he definitely didn't have that sort of look about him. Avery flung her arms around his neck, and Jane watched her husband tense uncomfortably. While they'd been together, he didn't seem to mind hugs so much, and the fact that Avery's hug bothered him so deeply made it clear how unhappy his life had become again. He took two steps back, creating distance, and Avery hurriedly went to the papers on the table and signed them.

Jane rushed in. "Stop, Avery. Don't sign anything." She turned to Kurt and fired, "What is that?"

Kurt couldn't seem to look at her. "You think I'd let her sign something that would hurt her?"

"He's getting me out," Avery cheerily said, smiling widely. "He set it all up."

"Out?" Jane questioned. She glanced back at Kurt, but he wasn't even looking near her.

"I'm staying at your place," Avery affirmed.

"I told her she could wait and talk it over with you, or a lawyer, before she agreed. She's being signed out into our custody, with an ankle monitor because of her ties to Roman, and she is a person of interest until they can question her and find out how involved she is. But I told them they weren't locking your daughter up. She's permitted to be at our apartment, or here, that's it."

"Oh," Jane said, tears in her eyes. Then she realized she wasn't sure if she was welcome there as well. "Can I—"

"Get your stuff from the hotel. I'll take Avery home, you can see her there, if you want." Turning to Avery, he said, "Stay here with Ja—uh—your mother until I get back."

Jane glanced at Avery, feeling overwhelmed. "I'm…looking forward to getting to know you. I hope you'll give me a chance. I don't need for you to act like I'm your mom. But I want to be in your life…somehow. Any way that you'll have me."

Avery hugged her quickly, although not nearly as fully as she had hugged Kurt, but it was a start. Kurt came back in with someone to fit Avery with her monitor. Jane approached, arms folded across her chest, not to keep distance, but because she needed a hug, even if it was only from herself. "Kurt, thank you for—"

"Forget it," he shook his head, still not able to look at her face. "It's late. I'll meet you back at the apartment."

When Kurt didn't feel like talking, there was no point in pushing him. It was best to wait for him to be ready.

Jane rushed to the hotel and gathered her things, checking out and hoping she wouldn't return. The walk back to the apartment felt infinite, like she was farther away while in the same city than when she'd been in Nepal.

Going back to their apartment was comfortingly familiar yet frightening. The quieter things became around her, the more Jane knew she'd shattered Kurt, the man she'd loved like no one else, still loved, in truth. And while she still was frustrated that he'd kept such a secret, she knew Roman had set this all up to cause pain. But after all that had happened, she wasn't sure what sorts of words could possibly bring forth a reconciliation anymore. Where would they even start?

At least she'd have a chance to talk to Kurt away from work, somewhere more private, and find out where she really stood. They'd be in the same apartment. Maybe while Avery got a shower or slept, she and Kurt could get back on speaking terms, and begin to find their way back again. There were so many things she wanted to say.

Jane really had no idea how he felt anymore, or if he even wanted to try to repair their marriage, but it was time to find out. She had been so angry at him for lying, but knew that her own lie fed her anger at him. The more her own words echoed in her head, the more she wondered if she could have possibly said and done such things.

Approaching the door, she pulled her key from her pocket and aligned it with the keyhole, then wondered if this was even her place anymore. A fresh shadow of sadness chilled her heart. Coughing softly, she tucked the key back in her pocket and knocked. Kurt answered, and she could tell he'd had his gun ready in case there was any threat.

Avery was sitting on the sofa, wrapped in a warm blanket, her hair damp from a shower. He softly replied, "I—I gave her some of your clothes to wear. She didn't have any. I hope that's okay."

"Of course," Jane whispered back.

"Go, spend time with her, and—"

"Kurt, I want to thank you." He still looked away, no hopeful or longing glances finding her face. "I want to thank you for helping me find her. For being so decent with Clem, he told me what you said on the plane. And most of all, thank you for making sure Avery didn't end up in some cell."

"She doesn't belong in one," he told the floor.

"Still. Thank you. And thanks for letting me come here and—"

"It's still your place, too," he gruffly added.

"Your man can cook," Avery said.

Kurt walked over to Avery, stood in front of her, and said, "Grilled cheese and a can of soup is not cooking."

"Tastes damn good anyway," the girl noted, quickly consuming a few more bites. "Wait," she added before Kurt could go. "I'm so sorry for making you believe I was dead. For getting involved. I know I caused you a lot of trouble—"

"Forget it," he replied.

"No. I feel really bad. As far as estranged step-fathers go—"

"I'm not your step-father," he interrupted. "At least…not for long. But it's okay. I'll see you tomorrow at the office…don't give your mother any trouble. You slip her, or you don't show up for questioning, they won't let you out next time. And you may not trust us, but some people out there are a hell of a lot worse, okay?"

"Okay," Avery nodded. "Thanks for coming to get me."

Jane saw Kurt's tiny smile, knowing he had to force it, although Avery didn't seem the wiser. "Anytime," he answered honestly.

He brushed past Jane, reaching down to the spot next to the kitchen counter and picking up a black overnight bag. "Wait," Jane anxiously called.

"What?" he asked, not even turning toward her.

"Where are you going?"

"Out," he answered simply enough.

"You can stay."

"No. I don't belong here right now. Just don't leave her alone at the apartment. She needs to be with either you or me at all times. It's part of the agreement."

Realizing he hadn't even brought Avery to their apartment as an excuse to get closer, she felt a sudden sense of loss. "You do belong here. Why did you get her out?" Jane asked bluntly.

"Because you wanted to be with her," he responded, as if the answer were obvious.

"But—"

"Avery is here so you can get to know her. I hope…I hope you enjoy it. You deserve to know your own daughter."

He moved past her to the door, but Jane said, "There's enough room for all three of us here."

"I don't think…that's a good idea. I'll be by at 7:30 to take you both back to the office. Have a good night, Jane."

A second later he was out the door, locking it from the outside with his key to make sure they were safe inside. Jane wanted to run after him so badly that it pained her to turn back. The girl she'd wanted to meet was sitting so close, but she felt torn.

For a moment, she could feel what it must have been like for Kurt there, alone, mourning after she'd left.

Jane sat down on the far edge of the sofa with Avery, careful not to crowd her. "You guys fighting?" Avery asked.

"It's…been rough."

"Because of me?"

"No, god no," Jane only partially lied. "We…have a lot of things to figure out."

"Mmm," Avery nodded, dusting the crumbs off of her fingers.

"So…tell me anything about yourself," Jane said, facing her. "Anything you're willing to tell me, I want to hear."

* * *

 

Avery talked to Jane a bit, and Jane enjoyed just being close to the girl without as much anger between them. There wasn't really a bond yet, but there would be. Avery began to fall asleep, so Jane took her to the guest room that doubled as Bethany's room. Avery saw the toddler's picture and asked, "I have a sister?"

"Umm, sort of," Jane replied. "She's Kurt's. From before we were together."

"She's cute."

"Yea…I love her," Jane confessed, then worried that perhaps that wasn't the right thing to say.

"Well, since I was adopted, I always thought it wasn't really genetics that makes a family."

"I never wanted to get rid of you. I fought to find you," Jane emphatically stated.

Avery seemed to consider it, but Jane couldn't tell yet whether or not Avery believed her. Bidding her good night, Jane left her daughter to sleep.

The apartment was terribly silent. Kurt hadn't changed a thing. She went to their room, finding her things still neatly there. Her ring was still on the kitchen counter, and she wondered if he'd ever even touched it, or if it was still exactly where she'd left it.

She closed her eyes and whispered his name, like a prayer she hoped he'd hear and sense the remorse within her that she hadn't even begun to show him yet. Just like he'd given her Roman on house arrest, then allowed her to let Roman escape, he'd brought Avery to her, even though it probably wasn't what was best for him. He'd tried and tried to make her happy, and it seemed to keep backfiring on him. Why in the hell had he put his name and reputation on the line to sign Avery out when he didn't seem to want anything in return?

She picked up her phone and texted him: _Thank you for making sure Avery wasn't locked up. Thank you for giving me time with her._

A few minutes later, when she didn't receive any return messages, she texted again: _You could be here too. She likes you. And I don't mind._

Jane showered, checked to make sure Avery was still asleep, and then looked at her phone, finding that he still hadn't responded. She took her phone and typed another message: _You belong here_ , but she quickly erased it before sending. She went to their room, pulling back the covers and slipping into his side of the bed. She closed her eyes, and she could almost feel him there with her. She began crying so hard she worried Avery would hear. Sitting up, wiping off her cheeks, she knew that they may not ever be able to fix what had happened between them. On some level, some part of her had always imagined that, some way or some how, they could work anything out. That seemed a silly thing to hope now.

Then she wondered if he'd decided to go out and meet another woman somewhere. Maybe he wanted some revenge, a one night stand with a stranger, or, worse, reconnecting with an old flame. The thought of another woman so close to him, touching his body, being touched by him, forced bile into her throat. And those realizations brought to her a host of understandings about the things he'd probably been thinking, and feeling, over the past few days, maybe the past couple of years.

She'd been blinded by her sadness over Avery, and her own guilt she'd kept hidden, and she wasn't sure if he'd ever understand. She wished she had the chance to go back, and tell Kurt about Clem in a different way, but it was done, and she would have to deal with that. Maybe Kurt would never get past what had happened, never forget the pained realization of Jane with someone else. She could picture Kurt at a bar, smiling subtly at someone else whose face she couldn't see. "Dammit," she said aloud, walking out to the living room and looking through the large glass doors. She didn't really feel she even had a right to ask if he'd sought reprisal in another woman's arms, but they had to start talking at some point, and, if she'd learned anything, it was that they needed total truth, without attempts to shield each other from pain. So she'd ask. She'd ask him the next day. They had to be willing to accept truth, no matter what the cost.

Picking up her phone, she dialed his number. Leaving a nervous voicemail, she said, "I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I—I'm worried about you. Talk to you tomorrow."

After she hung up, she felt ridiculous for calling. She'd already texted him, and clearly he didn't want to answer. Of course immediately the variety of things that could have happened flooded her mind, ranging from accidents to various distractions, and she worried anew.

She closed her eyes, hoping to sleep away a few panicky hours. Her phone rang and she jumped up, seeing "Clem" on her display. She answered, and said immediately, "I already told you…I can't. I need to figure out things with Kurt. I love him."

"Yea," Clem softly said. "I just…wanted you to know that I'll be here. If you need me. For anything."

"I do need something," she said.

"Tell me," Clem replied, unable to hide the hope in his tone.

"Please, don't call. I never should have involved you and—"

"I get it," he dejectedly answered. "I don't like it…but I get it."

After a few seconds and a succinct goodbye, Jane hung up and flopped back down on Kurt's pillow. "How did we get here?" she said into the still air.

She was already torn as a parent, worried for the safety of her child while the chaos of the world still continued around her. She took the blanket and pillow from bed and curled up near Avery's door so she could protect her better.

Her phone lit up, and this time she sighed, expecting Clem. But when she lifted it to her face, it was a text from Kurt: _I'm fine. Don't wanna talk. Pick you both up at 7:30._

She could easily see Kurt around the apartment, trying to find her after she'd left in Colorado, calling when she'd left him yet again in New York. And after all of that pain, and everything that had happened, he still made certain Avery hadn't been locked up, and arranged for Jane to be with her daughter.

She lay there, regret burning through her stomach, remembering the night he'd brought her home again and they'd made love there on the floor. She was going to fix this. She would do anything. Like he had traveled the world to find her, she'd move heaven and hell, search high and low, do whatever it took to show him how sorry she was, and that they still could make a life together. Hopefully, she'd get another chance to make things right.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N-I will still try to get my Pirate fic posted tonight or tomorrow, but I couldn't stop thinking about this one, so here's the next chapter. Thank you so much for your response to this fic! I was very excited. I know this one is pretty angsty and that emotions and opinions on these topics are pretty charged.

**Chapter 2**

Jane and Avery were ready well before 7:30 the next morning. It reminded Jane of those few months when Roman felt like a brother instead of the man who was trying to destroy her world. After everything that had happened, those few pleasant memories were buried under the rubble of Roman's revenge. In the past few weeks, she dreamed almost nightly of nearly catching Roman, but allowing him to escape, and the carnage that ensued.

Avery didn't talk much in the apartment while they waited for Kurt to arrive. The young woman kept a careful distance, and still seemed amply suspicious, but her anger wasn't as prevalent. It did seem like she was going to give Jane a chance.

"What are they going to do to me today?" Avery asked, biting the inside of her cheek.

Jane paused, remembering being scanned and questioned and terrified only a few years earlier. "I'll be with you. Even if you don't see me, I'll be there. They'll ask a lot of questions, I'm sure. They'll probably get pictures and fingerprints to run against their databases. They'll want to know about Roman, about any plans, about things you may have seen or heard. They won't hurt you. I have a lot of friends there, and they'll look out for you."

An abrupt knock came at the door, and Jane felt a sense of anticipation at the thought of Weller on the other side, remembering those days when their interactions were largely limited to a few seconds in the locker room before or after a case. She didn't like the fact that he knocked at his own apartment, realizing the implied separation of their lives, but at least he was there. When she opened the door, however, a three-person detail greeted her. "Ma'am," the woman at the forefront said, "Special Agent Weller asked us to escort you to the office."

"He isn't here?" Jane asked, confused.

"Please come with us, ma'am."

Jane and Avery followed one agent at their front, and two trailed behind them. Jane hurried to the lead agent. "I'm not taking another step until you tell me what's going on."

"I explained, ma'am, we're taking you to the NYO."

"But where's Weller?" Jane asked, concerned that he had been hurt or detained for his involvement with Avery.

"Special Agent Weller had another matter to attend to," the lead security agent said, gesturing for Jane to continue walking.

"Is he alright?" Jane questioned, literally and metaphorically digging her heels in.

The lead agent caved, "I spoke to him less than an hour ago, and he was fine."

Jane went along, checking her phone for a sign, a text, a call, any sort of communication from him. The time on the display stared back at her, showing no awaiting messages of any kind.

When they got into the office, Jane joined Patterson and Zapata, who were talking privately as they looked into Reade's office.

"What do you think Lucas wants?" Patterson asked Zapata.

"Who knows," Zapata replied. "I called Keaton, but he didn't hear anything."

"Who's Lucas?" Jane asked, Avery still by her side.

"She's some bigshot in DC, taught Weller at Quantico," Zapata replied.

"She taught him?" The woman didn't appear to be any older than Kurt.

"Yea," Patterson replied awkwardly, exchanging a not-so-subtle subtle look with Zapata that made Jane feel even less at ease.

Jane saw a diminutive but powerful woman addressing Kurt and Reade. She wasn't very tall, but she had a commanding presence, and Jane could read people well enough to know that Lucas wasn't one to be trifled with. Her long, jet black hair was tightly pulled back, not a strand out of place. She had piercing bright blue eyes that could be seen from outside of the room. She was undeniably beautiful and confident. Jane told herself it was ridiculous to be threatened by a beautiful woman talking to Kurt, but given the recent interactions with Clem, she couldn't bury her concern entirely.

Lucas firmly shook Reade's hand before she and Weller emerged from the office. The woman placed her hand on Kurt's back to direct him toward the elevator, and the familiar nature of the gesture didn't put Jane at ease. As they walked past the team, Jane heard Lucas say, "I appreciate this, Kurt. This could be one hell of an opportunity for you."

Kurt responded, but his back was to the group and Jane couldn't hear his answer. Reade approached and explained, "Weller is being pulled for another assignment for a few days. We'll hold things down while he's gone."

Jane still wasn't sure if things could be fixed between them. There was so much pain and mistrust and anguish. But since she still knew how deeply she loved him, she was desperate to at least try to work things out. She was beginning to wonder if he even wanted to try. Lucas' suggestion that his assignment was an opportunity made her wonder if and when he would return, so she had to talk to him before he slipped away. After all, taking him for granted wasn't going to fix things.

"Kurt!" Jane loudly called, hurrying to him while he waited for the elevator.

He paused just before entering. "What is it, Jane?" he softly asked, his eyes surveying the area around them.

Lucas stood next to him, but stepped aside because it appeared to be what was demanded of her. She didn't successfully mask her frustration over the delay.

"I'm not sure if I can ever trust you again," Jane said to Kurt.

"I can make the decision easy for you," he immediately responded. "You don't have to. You and me…we tried. We failed. What more is there to say?"

"Oh," she said, feeling the onset of a harsh dizzy spell.

He replied with disconcerting calm, "I'm tired, Jane. What did you expect me to say? You stopped the elevator to tell me that you can't trust me? I know, you've told me several times. What is it you want? You want me to keep trying, to beg and plead for a chance just to talk, so you can shoot me down again and again? At the same time, I'm supposed to pretend that the affair you hid from me is no big deal? Is that what you want from me?"

"No," she replied, barely above a whisper. "I wanted to tell you that I don't know how I can trust you…but I want to try to figure it out. I want us to see if—"

"Weller, we have a flight to catch," Lucas said, returning to his side, her hand landing on the upper part of Kurt's arm. He looked at Jane again for a moment, words perched on his lips that Jane was desperate to hear, but Lucas added, "We really need to move."

"Okay," he nodded at her.

Lucas tugged Kurt's arm, and he took a few steps back into the elevator. Jane was deflated, part of her wanting to physically prevent him from leaving. At the last moment before the doors closed, he caught her eyes and said, "See you when I get back."

It wasn't a promise of much, but it was better than a cold, wordless exit, and she felt like he was, in his understated way, admitting that he was open to talking to her. If they couldn't even manage a conversation, they'd never find any sort of resolution.

Jane walked back to the group, and Zapata said, "You must be relieved."

"What?"

"A few days without him around. Come on, every time he's in the same room you look furious."

"No, I don't," Jane argued.

"You do. Enjoy it…I'm not judging you."

* * *

 

Jane certainly did not enjoy Kurt's absence. The FBI's questioning of Avery was grueling, and Jane felt all of the guilt of losing her baby, the sadness for the years lost, and she went through all of it without Kurt at her side. Avery, exhausted like she'd run a marathon, collapsed onto the sofa when they got back to the apartment. Jane handed her a pile of takeout menus and told her to pick whatever she wanted. Jane wasn't even sure if she'd be able to eat.

She heard someone outside of the door, and grabbed her gun, signaling for Avery to stay where she was. Jane found Allie and Bethany outside. She opened the door and invited them in, and Allie looked at Jane with concern. "You alright?" Allie asked.

Bethany wiggled down out of her arms and started running through the apartment, as she often did once she'd escaped from captive arms.

"I'm fine," Jane said. "I didn't know you were coming."

"Kurt forgot this last night," Allie explained, handing her a plastic bag.

"You saw Kurt last night? I mean…I didn't know you were in town."

"Yea."

"He isn't here."

They heard a high-pitched giggle as Avery picked up Bethany and swung her through the air. Jane turned, watching the two together and realizing that, if things went well, they would be sisters. If things didn't go well, this could be the only time they'd ever meet.

"Is that Avery?" Allie asked. As soon as Jane nodded, Allie went over and shook her hand, introducing herself and welcoming her.

The younger pair played, and seemed to like each other immediately. Jane and Allie walked to the kitchen. "Look," Allie said, holding a hand up to pause Jane, "I promised him I wouldn't get involved—"

"He told you?" Jane asked, wondering if Allie was about to unleash a pile of fury.

"Yea, he told me. And I can only imagine how angry you are with him, but—"

"How angry _I_ am?" Jane confirmed.

"Yea…that he kept the truth from you," Allie responded like Jane had lost her mind. "But you need to keep in mind what he went through. He lost you…every bit of that man was devoted to finding you, and the thought of hurting you…he didn't want to do that. And I'm sure some of it was self-motivated because he didn't want to lose you _again_ , but I truly believe that he didn't want to cause you so much pain. He loves you so much, maybe too much. But you're a fool if you don't at least try to hang onto him."

Jane nodded, her arms folded, the happy chatter of their two daughters in the background making the ache in her heart deepen. Kurt should see that. "That's all he told you?" Jane asked.

"Pretty much," Allie answered. "Why? Is there more to tell?"

The fact that he'd confessed his own mistakes but failed to complain to Allie about the things Jane had done made her more regretful.

"You don't have to tell me anything," Allie said. Pointing at the bag, she added, "I just wanted him to have that before we head home tonight."

"While I was gone…there was someone else," Jane replied.

"No. Uh-uh," Allie shook her head obstinately. "There was no one else. He couldn't even think of anything but finding you. I know that man, there was no one else."

"That's not what I meant," Jane explained, seeing the moment of realization on Allie's face. Her expression went from confused to shocked to angry.

"Oh," Allie replied. "Like I said, I shouldn't get in the middle of this, but…" Allie was shaking her head, saying she shouldn't get involved but looking like she was about to speak her mind.

"Go ahead," Jane said. "I thought I'd never see Kurt again. I missed him. I was sad and alone, and I thought it was over. I never thought that…"

"You don't owe me an explanation," Allie replied. "But you owe _him_ one. I know him. If you are sorry, truly sorry, he'll forgive you. I don't think it's possible for him not to. I guess the question is, can you forgive him?"

Bethany ran her head full-force into Jane's legs, hugging her then reaching up. Jane lifted her, feeling the tiny arms stretch around her neck. The hug was so honest and sweet, and it hurt. She loved the little girl, although she barely knew her. Jane fought sadness, not wanting Bethany to feel or see it.

Allie didn't stay much longer. She looked at Avery and said, "Hopefully we'll be seeing more of each other. Bethany likes you."

"She's a cute kid," Avery answered, waving goodbye to the toddler.

Jane escorted Allie and Bethany to the door, and Allie whispered, "Give it a chance. You've both been through hell. If you give up, Roman has won. Talk to Kurt. Really talk to him, even if he doesn't want to— _especially_ if he doesn't want to. You love each other too much to give up now. You're so damn stubborn, both of you. That could be a problem, or you could use it to your advantage." Allie sighed and said loudly with a smile, "But like I said…I'm not going to get involved."

After they left, Avery's mood seemed a little lighter. Seeing the girls together brought everything Jane stood to lose into focus.

Avery had a menu and was rattling off her order while Jane looked inside the plastic bag. She pulled out a picture that Bethany had drawn for Kurt, and Jane felt like she couldn't keep her devastation inside any more. She closed her eyes, her arms wrapped tightly around herself, and said, "I'll be back," and tried to go past Avery to the bathroom so her daughter wouldn't have to see her break down.

"Are you okay?" Avery asked, refusing to budge. Yet another stubborn person was now added to the mix.

"I'm fine," Jane said.

"You're lying," the young woman accused and crossed her arms.

Jane reluctantly shared, "My baby was stolen from me. I've lost all of those years with her. I've always felt like I was missing something, and I think it was you. And I feel so terrible that I wasn't there for you. I would have done anything to have you in my life. I'm not sure how to make you believe that. Now I've probably lost my husband, who, sort of ironically, is trying to win my trust, while I'm having trouble believing him. On top of that, I've hurt him, and I'm not sure if we'll ever be able to fix any of it. I don't know how to fix anything right now. I'm used to having a plan."

Avery hesitantly reached out and put her hand on Jane's shoulder. It was a tentative and awkward attempt to offer comfort, but it meant the world to Jane that Avery would even try.

"I should be the one comforting you," Jane said, composing herself. "I know today was rough."

"This is weird, for both of us," Avery said. "I don't know what to think, but you were there for me today. I feel really bad for everything with Roman—"

"Don't," Jane argued. "I really shouldn't have told you all of that."

"I dunno," Avery shrugged. "I don't see how we'll get to know and maybe trust each other if we don't tell each other things."

Jane nodded thoughtfully, "I guess you're right."

Avery paused, but after pondering, reached her arms around her mother and gave her a hug. Jane could feel Avery's compassion. Jane's chin rested on her daughter's shoulder, and just feeling an honest hug from the young woman filled Jane with a new kind of warmth.

* * *

They ate together that evening, and Avery asked, "So how did you meet Kurt and start working for the FBI?"

"You didn't hear?" Jane questioned.

"I saw some newspaper articles and heard Roman's side of the story…I'd like to hear yours."

"It's kind of a long story…" Jane cautioned.

"I have time," Avery replied, taking another bite and waiting.

The whole evening could have been a dream come true. Jane felt the beginnings of a bond forming between herself and her daughter, and that was so exciting. She'd gone from the devastation of feeling she'd had a child she didn't know, to hearing that her child was dead, to finding out she was alive but working with Roman. It had all been so much to process. But sitting there, sharing a meal and conversation with the child she'd lost so long ago, was surreal.

For a moment, the weight on Jane's shoulders actually felt lighter. But when Avery went to bed, everything was silent, and Jane was alone with her thoughts. She looked at her phone, again seeing no sign of Kurt, and she wished like hell that she was sharing these moments with him. He should have been there to see Avery and Bethany together, and listen to the retelling of the days when she and Kurt had first met. She could almost hear him playfully (and sometimes annoyingly) interjecting his own thoughts into her story.

As hard as she tried to fight it, a cruel part of her mind flashed an image of Kurt with Lucas, and Jane reached for his bottle of whiskey and made herself a drink. She chastised herself for entertaining the thought of something so unsubstantiated, but couldn't help but wonder anyway. After all, she and Kurt had fallen in love under gunfire and disarming bombs. He was a great man, and surely she wasn't the only woman to see that. Still, he hadn't been at all flirtatious with Lucas, not in any way, not before or after he found Jane was watching them. But she also saw the way Lucas looked at Kurt. Jane knew that look.

She closed her eyes and tried to remember if he'd been wearing his ring. No matter how many times she replayed the morning's events, she couldn't clearly remember if she'd seen it on his finger. He hadn't taken it off when she'd left him before, but had he removed it once he'd become resigned? It was ridiculous to assign so much meaning to such a simple hunk of metal, but she knew that, to Kurt, that symbol meant much, much more.

As she tidied up the apartment, she wondered if it was even possible that she could have the life she dreamed of. She wanted to trust Kurt, and for him to trust her. She wanted their marriage, intact and thriving. She wanted to know Avery. She wanted the young woman in her life, as part of her family, playing with Bethany as they created an oddly patterned but tight-knit and loving family. At one time, she would have said it wasn't so much to ask, a little happiness and a family of her own. But now it seemed like a ridiculously extravagant request.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N-Happy Blindspot day (at least I hope). Only one more episode until the hiatus. I thought this would be 3-5 chaps, probably more like 5-6. Again, thanks to all of you readers out there!

**Chapter 3**

Kurt was gone three days without a single update, either personal or professional. Jane hoped to hear something from Reade, but if he knew something, he wasn't sharing it with her. She was beginning to hate the sight of the apartment without Kurt in it, like a constant reminder of how bad things had become.

There was a lead on a case, and each member of the team was devotedly doing their part. Avery spent that day meeting with Dr. Sun since the interrogations, for the most part, had slowed. Mid-morning Kurt finally appeared. The entire team was standing around Patterson, and Kurt joined them as they tried to decipher their next moves. He stepped right into place with the team as if he'd never been gone.

Kurt's hand and arm were bandaged almost to the elbow. There were tiny cuts along the side of his face, and part of his ear looked like it had been burnt, and Jane deduced that he had been near some sort of explosion. It appeared that most of his wounds were superficial, but she wouldn't know for sure until she talked to him.

Reade interrupted and said, "Weller, we can handle this if you want to get some sleep."

"I'm fine," Kurt monotoned back. "What's that symbol right there?" he pointed at the screen, continuing with the case.

Jane wanted to hug him, ask if he was okay, and take him somewhere far away. Oddly enough, she thought of their home in Colorado, and wished she could take him back there where they could be alone, talk, and hide from the world. She knew he'd long since sold it, another casualty in his quest to find her, but it seemed like a pleasant fantasy.

An hour later, they were in an SUV, going out to catch a suspected cyber terrorist. They weren't alone, Reade and Zapata were in the SUV with them, and everyone seemed to feel the tension in the air. She and Kurt were in the back seat, and she kept trying to catch his eye, to ask him at a whisper if he was okay, but he stoically stared out the window as if their lives depended on it.

He paired off with her when they entered the building, remaining professional, having her back just as faithfully as always, but the underlying devotion she typically felt from him was absent, replaced by something mechanical. It reminded her of the days when they first met, when he guarded and protected her out of duty alone, desperately trying to stay disconnected.

At the end of the day, as the dust settled, she finally found him alone in the locker room. "Are you okay? How are you feeling?" she asked.

He glanced over his shoulder as he carefully slid his arm into his jacket. "Fine," he answered tersely. "How's Avery holding up?"

"Adjusting…slowly." Jane cleared her throat, wishing that he'd have a response, but he didn't seem concerned with replying. Finally she chose to continue, "Oh, Allie stopped by the other night. Avery and Bethany met." Her voice faded at the end as she realized that may not have been a safe subject to broach.

He only faced her for a second while he digested her words, any hint of friendliness disappearing from him. Most people would have thought him unaffected, but she could see the way it stabbed him. He replied, "I'm sorry Allie stopped by. I didn't know she was going to. I'll let her know I'm not staying there."

Jane's words were nervously paced. "I didn't mind. I like Allie. It was nice seeing Bethany, and she and Avery seemed to get along. Avery was swinging her around, and Bethany kept laughing and—"

"Can we not do this right now?" he bluntly interrupted.

"I just thought you'd want to know that…" Jane stopped, her fingers entwining awkwardly. "Sure. Some other time."

He closed his locker and began to walk away, but she asked, "When can we talk?"

"I don't know."

She replied with a disappointed smile. "I'm here. Just say the word."

He took a few steps but turned back to her, her hold on him obviously not entirely gone, even if he'd tried to sever it. "Soon, I promise." Then after a second of unhappy thought, he added, "Although since you don't trust me, I'm not sure what a promise from me is worth."

"Are you okay?" she asked, stepping closer to him, her hand touching the elbow on his uninjured side. She wanted so badly to comfort him, to ease his aching heart and hold his pained body, but he pulled immediately back like her touch burned.

"I'll be fine."

"Looks like things got rough out there."

He looked at his phone after it vibrated, but replied, "We caught our guy. But he figured out we were coming. It wasn't an easy grab."

"Is there anything I can do—"

"I just want to sleep."

"At home?"

"You and Avery can have the apartment. I don't…much like being there anymore. And you need the space now."

His phone vibrated again, and he said, "I have to take this."

"Sure," she replied, listening to him state his last name into the phone as he walked away, shoulders hunched over.

* * *

The next day, he didn't come into work. Reade explained that Weller was taking a personal day. Jane wasn't sure why Kurt had taken off. Perhaps he was tired from his trip or nursing his injuries. She also considered the possibility that he was spending the day with Lucas. She weighed the options, wondering if she should continue to give him space or show him how serious she was about trying to work things out. She wanted him to know that she was willing to fight to hold onto him.

On impulse, she told Reade she needed the day off, too, and asked Zapata and Patterson to keep an eye on Avery at the NYO until she returned. Jane brandished a few of her K&R skills, and easily figured out where Kurt was staying.

She walked down the hall of the hotel toward his room. He was in a nicer place than what she'd anticipated, and she wasn't quite sure if that indicated anything about his activities. She almost felt ill as she raised her hand to knock on the door. Jane was fully prepared to find herself face-to-face with Lucas, or perhaps someone else. Even though it hadn't happened yet, her chest hurt as if she'd already found it to be true.

She remembered a day when she and Kurt had skipped work and spent the day at a hotel, making love and ignoring the world. Those were happier times, different times, hell, maybe even a different life altogether.

Her knock sounded muffled from the thickness of the door. She waited a moment, hearing movement after a short delay, as if it took him a minute just to get out of the bed. When the door opened, she was relieved to see he was the one who answered it. He peered around the side of the door, only opening it far enough to see out.

"Hi," she said, smiling stiffly.

"Where's Avery?" he asked, looking down the hall.

"With Patterson and Zapata at the NYO."

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to know if you're okay…and…maybe I was feeling impatient. And curious," she said, wanting to embark on this day with honesty. She wanted to look past him into the room, but couldn't without physically moving him out of the way. "I wasn't sure if you were alone," she admitted.

His brow furrowed for a moment, but he nodded, "Yea. I'm alone. I won't see Bethany again until next week and—"

"That's not what I meant. I wasn't sure if you…were seeing someone."

"It's just me here," he replied.

"Can we talk? Just for five minutes. After that, I promise to wait until you're ready," she assured. Seeing that he was hesitant, she added, "I brought drinks. And that salted caramel lava cake you like."

She displayed the paper bags as evidence. Then she waited for him to slam the door in her face. Suddenly beer and cake seemed like ridiculously simplistic offerings, after everything that had happened. Since she doubted he'd let her hug him, she figured she could at least provide some comfort in the form of food and drink.

He finally nodded, but looked down at himself and asked for a moment to dress. The door wasn't completely closed, so she saw him retreat into the room to pull on a tee shirt and jeans. He returned to the door, opened it the rest of the way, and nodded for her to come in. Her eyes immediately went to the small round table and two glasses, one on either side.

Reading her mind, he said, "Patterson was here yesterday. She was worried, brought me food and made me play some board game."

"Trying to make her honorary big brother feel better?" Jane smiled.

"Something like that."

"Well," Jane tried to shrug it off, "I…wasn't going to ask."

He closed the door and turned, and she could see his ring was still on. "You don't have to ask, because my vows meant something to me."

"They meant something to me, too," she retorted a bit heatedly.

"Damn hard to tell from where I stand."

They had only just begun to scratch the surface, and tensions were already rising.

"Do you want me to explain?" she asked. "I will, if you're actually willing to listen."

"Like you listened to me about Avery?"

"That's different."

"Not as much as you want to believe. Both of us withheld the truth. But I didn't _want_ to kill Avery. Roman made sure I was forced into a situation where I did, and then gave me a split-second to think about what to do. You wanted to sleep with Clem. You chose that."

"Ultimately I chose you. Can I explain?" she asked, watching him drop uncomfortably into the wooden armed chair by the table.

"When the time comes, you'll hear me out? You'll really listen?"

"Yes."

"Fine. Say what you need to say."

"I truthfully thought I'd never see you again. I didn't know that you were waiting for me, looking for me. Had I known… Anyway, I worked with him for a while. I was so lonely, Kurt. I missed you. I thought I'd never get to come back to you, not without risking your life, and Bethany's. And he was sweet and kind and I trusted him, and…it happened. I never looked at it as cheating because I thought we were over."

"So your explanation is that 'it happened' and it's okay because you 'thought' we were over?"

"But then I left him. I left him far behind and didn't even work with him. I went and lived with monks, and worked on my own. I missed you. I never stopped loving you. I ended it with Clem. Because even though I tried to justify it, I still felt guilty. I didn't want to hurt you."

"And then you called him again, here in New York, when we were together? You hid that from me, too."

"Yes. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to cause you this kind of pain."

"Did you sleep with him again when he came back?" Kurt asked, the pain evident on his face.

"No."

"Because you left your ring, again, so maybe you felt like you could justify it. Maybe, in your mind, we were over."

"Nothing happened. That's the truth."

"You say you felt guilty, but you didn't seem very sorry about it when I found out. You threw it in my face that I lied, and completely avoided the fact that you lied, like what you did was nothing compared to what I did. It wasn't _nothing_ , Jane."

"I didn't tell you because I didn't think it would matter. I left him behind and we were back together, and…I knew it would hurt you, and I didn't want to do that to you."

"If you knew it would hurt me, then you knew it mattered," he said, his words sinking in.

She was poised to argue back, and he waited for her retort, but she wasn't able to counter that.

When her eyes conceded that point of the argument, he continued, "And if it was fine, then you could have told me when you got back, when I asked about him, when I asked about what you'd been doing, before sharing a bed with me, or putting your ring back on. Any of those times would have been perfect."

"And you could have told me about Avery. When you first saw me, when we got home, when I found the birth certificate, when I was trying to decide if I should find her."

"I don't deny that. That's the difference. I feel guilty for my lies, for what happened with Avery. I tortured myself over her death, it was hard to breathe. I was torn up inside in a million pieces. I have said I'm sorry, and I am sorry, with all my heart. I felt terrible for what I did. But when I found out about Clem, you pretty much told me to deal with it, like I had no right to even be upset that my wife slept with another man!"

"You do have a right. Just like I had a right. I was angry and hurt and confused, desperately trying to rescue my daughter when you found out about Clem. Do you have any idea how difficult everything with Avery has been? Finding out that I had a baby stolen from me was painful enough, and then everything that followed, ugh. Everything hurt. I wish I could go back and start over, explain things to you, listen to you, be honest. I wish you would have been honest with me."

"Me too. But I wasn't," he replied, pouring some whiskey and finishing it in the next motion. "And now it's too late. You can't trust me. That phrase seems to end all of our conversations."

"But I want to."

"But where do we go if we don't trust each other. I don't trust you to stick around. When things get bad, you leave. You don't listen to what I think, much less care about it. You just disappear, treat me like garbage that you can throw away and forget about. I'll admit, the circumstances were horrible…but still, you just give up."

"But I didn't give up. Not really."

"I think you want to blame me for everything that happened with Avery. You want someone to be angry with for the fact that she was taken from you…and that's me."

"I was angry and lost. Everything I learned hurt more."

"Tell me what you want from me. If there's nothing we can do to fix it, then make a clean break of it. Just tell me it's over and we'll both move on."

"I want to be honest, completely honest. About everything, no matter how much it hurts. And I mean everything."

"But if you don't believe me—"

"I'll give you the benefit of the doubt if you can do the same for me. But we both have to be open. A lot of people warned me about your walls…but they didn't warn you about mine. And I admit, my walls need to come down. I've kept secrets, you've kept secrets. We can't do that anymore. This is how it ends up."

"And that fixes everything?" he doubtfully questioned.

"No. But it's a start. Have you ever tried to fix broken glass?"

"I guess, why?"

"I had this memory of Roman and me trying to fix this tall glass vase. We broke it, and, well, you've met Shepherd. So we wanted to fix it before she found out. We were so careful, found every piece and put it all together. We thought it was perfect, but when it dried…you could still see all of the cracks and the glue. It held its shape and even held water, at least for a little while. But if you looked at it, you could tell it was all busted up, and some of the water seeped through."

"So if the vase breaks, there's no fixing it?"

"Sort of. What I mean is, you were broken. I was broken. Even our relationship was broken before it even started. We hurt each other, did damage, and when we finally admitted we loved each other, we thought all of those cracks wouldn't show and the water wouldn't leak. But they did."

"It still sounds like you're saying it's hopeless."

"It is…if we try to pretend like the vase is just fine. But what if we accept the cracks, even find some beauty in them, then what we have might still stand, maybe, with some more patching, it can hold water."

"Go on," he said, finally seeming more receptive, leaning forward in his chair.

"I think we need to start from the beginning. Start over again, with complete honesty, let the cracks show. Talk about all of that stuff we tried to ignore. We were so happy when we got together, so in love, that we tried to ignore everything but that."

"And you think you'll be able to trust me again?"

"I'm willing to try. To put everything on the table. But I need complete honesty. If I catch you in a lie about anything, no matter how small—"

"I get it. That goes for you, too. And…what about your disappearing acts? I'm not really willing to try if you're just going to walk away. I'm tired of being left."

"I won't disappear. Not unless we're in agreement. I promise you that I'll try to work things out."

"Even if there's a bounty on your head?"

"Even then. We make decisions together. I think we should take our time. Maybe date, and see if we can and want to be together. Let's get to know each other, without anything hidden. We both deserve to figure this out. I love you enough to put it all on the table."

"And if we can't make it work," he said, pensively, "then we agree to end it."

"But not without trying. I need to try, if you're willing."

She waited, looking at Kurt and trying to read his blank face.

"Look," she added, "you don't have to decide now, but—"

"Was there anyone else?" he asked unexpectedly. "Besides Clem?"

"No," she answered. "No one. And I ended it with him because I love you. Even though I thought I'd never see you again, I still couldn't stay with him. And nothing has happened since."

"This is the time to be honest, so if you have anything you need to say about it, please, do it now."

"That's the truth. Did you sleep with Lucas?"

His pause was enough to stop her heart for a second. "Yes," he replied.

"Thank you for your honesty," she replied, feeling like her heart was being slowly extracted from her chest even though she thought she'd been prepared for this possibility.

"I slept with her about fifteen _years_ ago," he explained. "We had a fling when I was at Quantico. And absolutely nothing since."

"Oh," she said, smiling her relief and attempting to hide that from him. "I'll bet she tried," Jane added.

He looked away, bobbing his head subtly, "She may have suggested it."

"Can't say that I blame her for trying," Jane noted. With the utmost sincerity, she continued, "No matter what happens, I really am sorry."

"Me too."

"My five minutes are up, so I can leave," she suggested, hoping he would ask her to stay.

"Alright," he simply replied, gingerly standing from his chair to escort her out.

She walked toward the door, and he didn't stop her, or even hesitate.

Jane, trying to sound optimistic, added, "When you're ready, let me know. We can talk again. Or maybe we can go on that date we talked about. Spend time together, talk about some of the things that we'd rather not say."

"I'll let you know."

Walking down the hall alone, as if she were on autopilot, Jane tried to be grateful for the strides they'd made. At least they were talking, and it seemed like maybe they were both willing to give things a try. Hopefully he wasn't ready to let go yet. It took all of her strength not to run back to his room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N-Your response to this story is still so very exciting, like writing fuel, lol. THANK YOU a million times! I really want to see them find each other in a healthy way. I know some of you feel I'm too far on one side or the other, but I love both characters. Yes, I'm a shameless Jeller fan beneath it all, but I want them to be together in a better and more honest relationship.
> 
> : )

**Chapter 4**

Kurt was a bit more open in the coming days. He was polite enough in the halls and while they worked. A few times they had lunch together, but always as part of the larger team. It felt like he was acclimating himself to her again, but investing himself cautiously. But a week went by and he had yet to mention a time when they could really talk. On a few occasions, she thought he was ready, but it seemed like some case always came up or an emergency occurred. After a particularly tiresome day, he smiled at her, although subtly, nodded his head and said, "Feel like taking a walk?"

"With you?" she asked, her voice raising with surprise.

"Yea," he replied, nearly smiling at the end. "You free right now?"

"Let me see if Avery is still with Dr. Sun. But yea. Want to get dinner?"

"Let's just take a walk, for now."

That first walk was tougher than she'd anticipated. Conversation was stilted and slow, and once they started talking, she really began to realize how hurt he'd been. The wounds, not just from their recent issues but from those before, were still open. And she knew him well enough to know how much it hurt just to make those confessions, to voice his vulnerabilities and expose his sore spots aloud. And along with the hurt, there was still anger, not so much at her, but at life. She listened as she'd promised, refusing to argue or disagree with anything he said, but just truly hear him. Being so open like that was probably physically painful, but she doubted he had held much of anything back.

Listening without reacting was not a simple feat for Jane either. She so badly wanted to do something, anything, to fix their problems. Sometimes she wanted to soothe, or explain, but she'd promised to listen, and so she did.

When he finally stopped, he inhaled enough to fill his lungs completely, and then sighed. They faced each other, their walk pausing for the first time.

"Are you okay?" she softly asked. "Or…will you be okay?"

"Yea," he mumbled.

"I am so sorry…for all of it."

"It's not all your fault, Jane. I know that."

"Can I say something?"

"Sure."

"It's just…I'm not sure why you want to be with me. I mean, it would probably be simpler to start over with someone new."

"That's funny," he sadly said. "I think the same about you. I don't want to lose you, but when I look back…I'm not sure why you even want to work it out."

"Because I love you. I really am sorry—"

"I know you are," he interrupted, assuring her. "Believe me, I can feel it. I hope someday you'll feel how sorry I am—"

"I knew that from the start. That part was never in question."

"Your turn to talk," he said, looking so emotionally exhausted that it had sapped his physical energy as well.

"Enough talk for today. Want to stop by the apartment? Or have a drink somewhere?"

"No," he shook his head.

"Oh," she replied, trying to mask her disappointment.

"How about same time tomorrow, as long as we don't have to work late?"

"Yea."

"It's my turn to listen to you."

"Okay," she replied.

They met like that on a few days, usually after work, sometimes before. Some days were tearful, and some were angry, but most of the time, they spoke and listened. These talking sessions were tough, and the two became brutal in their honesty, knowing that if they couldn't do so, their marriage would surely fail. "It's like a bullet lodged in your leg…you gotta get in there and dig it out," Kurt commented, without a hint of levity. And sometimes it hurt just as badly.

But as a week became two, and then three, some of their conversations weren't as difficult. They began to speak of their childhoods, or what they could remember of them. They talked about fun times, people who'd hurt them, people who'd helped them. Jane was shocked by just how much she didn't know about her own husband, and surprised by how interested he was in so many of the details of her life. Still, after every conversation, she returned to the apartment with Avery and he went back to his hotel. He'd asked her for a few things from the apartment, but he never went there, and she didn't go to his hotel, sensing that he wanted the space. Nearly all of their talks were while walking, so they only faced each other on occasion, usually at the end of their talk and shortly before saying goodbye.

They didn't go on any of the dates she'd mentioned, and sometimes she thought she should be disheartened by that. But strangely enough, in spite of a complete lack of physical contact or nearness, the emotional connection was even more intense and profound than it ever had been. It felt like they were beginning to truly know each other's minds. But they never so much as hugged, and that part hurt her. She'd tried once, but he'd deftly avoided it. He was so close she could see him, like a mirage in the desert that she never could quite reach.

She couldn't help but wonder why he seemed so repulsed by the thought of touching her. He was sweet, thoughtful, and compassionate when they spoke. She could see the empathy in his eyes when she'd tell him a painful secret, and the way he shared her joy when she told him about a fond memory.

As they walked one afternoon, she realized it was probably because of Clem. She wondered if Kurt would ever want to touch her again. As she considered it, worrying if they'd ever make things fully right, he asked, "You alright? You seemed distracted today."

"I'm fine, I just…" she stopped walking and turned to face him. She had to be honest with him, that was what this was all about.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Are you disgusted by me?"

"Disgusted?" he asked, backing away a half-step with surprise. "Why would you say that?"

"You won't even let me hug you. We haven't kissed, not once…and I'm not sure if you'll ever be able to touch me again. Maybe you're just not attracted to me anymore."

Kurt chuckled, shaking his head once he'd heard her theory. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't laugh."

For a few seconds, she hurt even worse, feeling like whatever he was about to say was going to stab and leave a scar.

Composing himself, he took her hand between his, holding it tenderly. "That's ridiculous. I am not disgusted by you. Not at all."

"But you can't even hug me. And I miss that. I miss the way you feel."

He cleared his throat, sobering for a moment. "I'm afraid…that once I touch you…"

"What, Kurt?" she impatiently pushed.

"Once I touch you I won't be able to stop. How can I hug you without kissing you? And how can I kiss you without making love to you. It's like you said, when we got together, we were in love and we thought that would be enough. But it wasn't. So I'm trying not to mess this up. Trying to take it slow and make sure we're okay before things get more intense."

"Oh," she replied, blushing suddenly. "I didn't know—"

"This is why we can't keep things from each other. You should have told me that's how you felt."

She felt her body closing toward his, so insanely attracted to him and ridiculously in love, and dying to express that even if it meant making out with him on the middle of the sidewalk.

"I can't though," he said, shaking his head. "Not yet. I can't lose you, Jane. I can't go through that again."

"Okay," she replied.

Then, as they did so often, phones rang, and duty called, and the two were back off to work.

* * *

 

Jane loved their new connection, but wondered when they'd be back under the same roof, husband and wife once again. He still declined any offers for dinner, even those with her and Avery. She wanted to take him out, on an actual date where she could stare into his eyes across the table. She remembered the way he'd flirted with her so long ago, the way he was so brusque and confident, yet bashful underneath.

Saturday night she had nothing to do. It would have been the perfect night for a date, the crisp, clear New York sky, lit by a vibrant three-quarter moon, would make a walk to a restaurant or bar very romantic. But she was sitting in the apartment. Avery was growing bored with the limitations of the NYO and the apartment, but those were the terms of her release, and Jane didn't think there was much they could do about it for the time being.

Jane's phone rang, and she saw Allie's name.

"I have a strange request," Allie said. "And if you would rather not, I'll understand."

"What is it?"

"I'm in town, and I was supposed to go out tonight, but Kurt's not available, something at work. Basically I need a babysitter."

"Say no more. I'll be happy to do it."

"Great. And bring Avery."

"Oh, but Avery…She's limited to the NYO and the apartment."

"I already talked to Reade. I was hoping you'd say yes. It's all set. A car will come get you…let's say a half hour?"

When Jane told Avery of the change in plans, the young woman replied, "Anything's better than being stuck here…again."

Allie seemed excited when they arrived. Avery sat on the floor with Bethany, likely pleased with having anyone from outside of the FBI to interact with. Bethany's adoration was complete, and in no time, Avery was swinging the girl around again, tossing her on the sofa, and listening to the girl howl with delight. Jane was relieved that Avery had a distraction. Jane thought, sadly, that Avery would make an amazing big sister, in spite of the large age gap.

When the doorbell rang at the rental, Allie hurriedly answered it, and Jane saw Kurt staring at them. "I'm sorry," Jane said, immediately standing up.

"You have no reason to be sorry," Allie replied, literally pushing Kurt into the room. "How lucky, you're all free tonight."

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked, "I've had this date saved for two weeks."

"She said you had to work," Jane explained.

"Dada!" Bethany screamed when she heard Kurt, running toward him with unabashed happiness.

Jane watched the truest, most honest look of joy fill his face when he saw his daughter. So few things seemed to make him that happy. He stooped to hug her, picking her up in a bear hug and rocking her back and forth, whispering his greetings softly. When he finally put Bethany down, she grabbed onto his fingers and pulled him further into the room. She pointed at Avery and said, "Ayvee," like she was making an introduction.

"I can leave," Jane said, hurrying to the door. Bethany let go of Kurt and ran to Jane, Wrapping her arms and legs around Jane's leg and hanging on.

When Jane looked down, Bethany gave her the saddest pleading face, and Jane scowled at Allie.

"Low blow, Allie," Kurt said, "using the kid against us."

"How about everyone stays," Allie said. "Conor and I have a show—"

"Conor said it was a work reception," Kurt interrupted.

"Well, yea…after the show there's a reception," Allie answered, clearly lying.

"Right."

The doorbell rang and Kurt whispered to Allie, "Can't wait to see who else is on the guest list. Did you invite Roman, too?"

"I invited dinner," Allie explained.

Conor paid for the food, more than the four of them could possibly eat. Allie and Conor set it up on the counter in the tiny kitchen, opening containers and placing plastic utensils and plates out for their use. Kurt looked back and forth between his daughter, step-daughter, and wife, and Jane knew how uncomfortable he was from his expression.

Allie gestured for Kurt and Jane to come closer. Once they were, she said, "Have a nice dinner…with your family. Who knows where Avery will go once she's released. And you don't get to see Bethany nearly enough. Enjoy this while you can."

"Well?" Jane asked Kurt. "Stay. Please?"

"Yea," he said, tentatively smiling at Jane. He turned to Allie, the smile gone, and muttered, "We'll talk about this later."

Jane walked away, but heard Allie say in her special way, "We sure will…when you thank me for helping you get your head on straight."

Allie and Conor left before Kurt or Jane could argue any further.

Avery was building block towers and watching Bethany perform a Godzilla routine and destroy building after building. Jane sidled up next to Kurt. "Is this okay with you?" she asked. "If you want us to leave—"

"No," he replied, looking down. "Allie's right. We should have a dinner together. Never know what tomorrow will bring."

Sensing tension in his voice, she said, "I will be here tomorrow. I'm not going anywhere unless you're done with us. Are you done with us?"

"Not by a longshot. I've just…been worried. Things have been good. I don't want to mess it up."

"They have been good. But a marriage should be more than walks after work, don't you think?"

"Yea," he conceded.

Hearing Bethany squeal as Avery tickled her, Kurt said, "Avery seems to be doing better."

"She just likes hanging out with Bethany. Bethany doesn't ask her questions or treat her like a possible link to a terrorist. Bethany doesn't remind her of how messed up her life has become, you know?"

"Yea."

"I remember feeling like that. Like everyone was suspicious of me, and everything was ruined. I think having Bethany around gives Avery a break from all of that."

"You two getting along?"

"It's hard, Kurt," Jane whispered. "I think she blames me for the fact that she's locked up, for a lot, really. We get along better than we did. We can have a normal conversation, most of the time. She even asks questions, like some part of her wants to get to know me. It's so weird, because she's my child, spent nine months growing in me, and we're strangers. And I want to change that, but I don't know how. I'm just trying to be there for her, and hope that…I don't know."

He put his arm around her back, his hand on her farther shoulder. She wanted to turn into him, hide her face against his chest and feel one of those hugs he gave that seemed to swallow up her body and her cares. But since this was the most contact they'd had in a very long time, she just accepted his hand. "Give her time. Once she gets to know you, she'll see what we all see," he assured.

"She's focused on revenge for her father. I get that…it's hard to see anything else."

"Like you were focused on figuring out who you were and what had happened to you," he chuckled. "I told you."

"Told me what?"

"That I could tell she was your daughter just by talking to her. And by the way she argued with me. So stubborn. Huh…"

"What?"

"I was just thinking how infuriating it must be to have to argue with yourself. Believe me, I know how difficult a fight with you can be."

Jane smiled. "It's not fun. But she can sit in the same room as me without growling. She even hugged me, once, when I was sad. She tolerates me, even hangs around me, but…there's no deeper connection there. I guess it's more than I deserve."

"Why would you say that," he argued.

"I should have found a way to protect her, to stop Shepherd from ever taking her."

"No," Kurt shook his head. "You can't blame any of that on yourself. Look at that kid…you were younger then than she is now."

"But I think she blames me. I know I do."

"So I'm going to have to argue with two of you now?" he teased. Squeezing her shoulder with his hand, he assured, "Give it time."

Kurt started to pick at the food, and asked, "Anyone hungry?"

The young woman and toddler continued playing, still ignoring them.

"Should we have them come eat at the table?" he asked.

"This is the happiest I've ever seen my daughter," Jane said. "Let's just take some food over to them. I just want to watch them."

Jane and Kurt took plates to their respective daughters and put them on a coffee table near where they sat. When Jane put Avery's plate next to her, Avery replied, "I'm starving. I've always heard about the New York City food scene. It's messed up that I live here, but all I get to see is that damn apartment and your office."

"Hopefully not for much longer," Jane said. "And please watch your language in front of Bethany, she repeats what she hears."

Avery shook her head and made a face at Bethany, and the toddler again laughed, because everything Avery did was amazing or hysterical in the little girl's eyes.

Jane and Kurt sat at the table, watching their kids, largely sitting in silence. "You okay?" Kurt asked.

"It's just nice to see her happy, having a normal life, for a minute."

"Yea," he replied, and watched the younger two bond. "The age gap between them is about the same as between you and Avery."

"Yea," Jane said, sadly. "That could have been me with my daughter."

"I shouldn't have said that."

"No. It's okay," Jane said. "I'm not sure if I would have been a good mother."

"You would have been…you _are_ an amazing mother. Trust me," he replied.

At bath time, Avery took the girl back at Bethany's request, and Kurt assisted. Shortly after Bethany was ready for bed, Avery read to her. Bethany fell asleep in Avery's arms. Jane walked back to the bedroom and saw them, and felt her eyes well with tears, tears of sadness and anger at the things that had been stolen from her. She would do almost anything to have watched Avery grow up, to hold her while she slept after story time at night. It was all painfully unfair, and nothing she could do would ever give her those years and experiences with Avery back.

"Want me to move her?" Jane asked when she realized Avery was staring at her with great confusion.

Avery shook her head, "You might wake her. I'm fine here."

Jane knew well enough that Bethany wouldn't wake up, but wasn't about to force Avery to say she wanted to hold the toddler a little longer. She remembered how many nights Kurt had held his baby long after she'd fallen asleep, his cute little hot water bottle.

"I'll come back later and check on you both," Jane said.

The second she was out of the bedroom and closed the door, she leaned back against the wall and slowly lowered until she was on the ground.

"Are they okay?" Kurt hurried over.

"They're fine," Jane said, the look of devastation saturating her face.

"What's going on?" he asked, slinking down on the floor next to her.

Her words rushed forward as if a dam had been broken. She told him of the sadness she felt about the things she'd missed, both with Avery, and Bethany. She told him how much she regretted many things that had happened in the last two years. She told him how badly she missed the home they'd made together, and how sad she was that they may never share a roof and life again.

These were all things he knew already. She'd told him in various ways during many walks. She wasn't sure why she was saying it all again, in such an emotional flurry, but she did, all of her laid bare, her defenses gone. Then, feeling far too vulnerable, she wiped her tears from her face as swiftly as she could and apologized.

He pulled her hand away from her face. "You're even beautiful when you cry," he whispered so softly she wasn't sure if she'd imagined it.

Using his thumb, he softly brushed the remaining tears away. Her eyes closed as he touched her face, a touch that she'd missed so terribly that she tried to soak in every last bit of that feeling. When she opened her eyes, she saw the tears that streaked his face. She reached up in much the same way, her thumb carefully easing away the sadness, and she watched his eyes close.

They were so close to each other, and she knew how easy it could have been to kiss him. She couldn't wait to feel his mouth against hers again, his hands on her body. He didn't kiss her, but he also didn't push her away. She wondered if he would have allowed things to go further, had they not been on the floor of the house Allie and Conor had rented where their daughters slept a few feet away. Sadly, she thought, he probably still would have been reserved. She wondered if he was afraid of messing things up, or afraid of her.

He stood, and she wanted to grab his hand and pull him back down, plead for him not to let the touch end already. The moment she stood, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her. His hands, one on the middle of her back and one pressed against her hair, held her tightly. Her face nestled against his chest, and he rested his cheek on the top of her head. She melted there, lost in him and such a long awaited embrace. It was just a hug, on the surface, the first hug in what felt like quite a long time. The feeling was nothing short of perfection, like a climax of the heart, and she thought she could have stayed there forever. She remembered their first hug, when she didn't know him, and how it had felt just as comforting then. There was just something about being close to him.

They held each other for several minutes, swaying slightly with each synchronous breath. Then they heard steps outside, knowing Conor and Allie had returned, so they let go and quickly cleaned up the mess of blocks and food their night had left behind. Once again, at the end of the evening, Kurt returned alone to his hotel. Her heart volleyed between the hope and joy that their hug had spawned, and the sadness that they were still so far apart.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

A couple of days after "babysitting" at Allie's, Reade pulled Jane into his office. "We may have a lead back in Berlin, a few suspects have been taken into custody," he explained. "I would like a chance to interrogate them, even ask Avery if she recognizes anyone, but they're being held by German authorities on charges there. Zapata can use her CIA connections so we can get access to the evidence and the suspects, but we'll have to go back to Berlin because they won't send them here. Jane, would you be willing to accompany Avery?"

"Has anyone asked her if she's willing to go?" Jane questioned.

"She's in our custody, so if we say she needs to go…" Reade began, but halted and changed course when he looked at Jane's expression. "I spoke to her a few minutes ago. She'll go. There may be leads that will help us find out what happened to her father."

"Then of course I'll go."

"You can take backup. I haven't told Weller," he said, the implication that she may not want Kurt to go along was clear. "You can take Zapata, or if you want to bring someone else in…"

"I'll take Kurt," she replied immediately.

"Are you sure?"

"There's no one I trust more," she told Reade, who was obviously a little surprised at her response.

"I'll talk to him. You go meet with Dr. Sun and Avery, make sure she's ready for this trip."

* * *

As Jane finished up in the locker room, she saw Kurt approach, standing at the end of the line of lockers. "We leave tomorrow morning," he said.

"Yea. Is that okay?"

He nodded, appearing distracted by his thoughts.

"If you don't want to go to Germany…" Jane began.

"What?" he jerked out of his daze. "No. I want to go. I want to be there. I failed Avery, and you, once before. I won't fail her this time."

"I know you won't. And you won't be alone. We'll be together, as a team."

"Yea," he distantly answered.

"So what's on your mind?" she asked, feeling that he was holding something back and hoping that they'd both learned enough by now about keeping secrets.

"Reade told me you chose me. He said he authorized you to pick your partner."

"Oh. It wasn't a difficult choice. I told him there is no one I trust more than you."

"Why would you say that?" Kurt asked, not with anger, but with genuine uncertainty.

"Because it's true. I'm still hurt that you withheld something so serious from me. We'll both probably always be a little hurt by the things that happened. But I've watched you day after day…you talk about things, and I can see that sometimes it actually hurts you to talk about them, but you do. And you do it for me. For us." She stepped closer, again fighting to moderate her reactions because her love for him was screaming to be unrestrained. "It means a lot to me…how hard you're trying. I trust you, Kurt. I mean it."

She saw him smile subtly to himself, his head slightly lowered, looking a little introspective, but content. He seemed to grapple with his words, but finally said, "I know we only have a few minutes before Avery is done, and we need to leave early tomorrow, but would you like to go, with me, to get a drink? You don't have to, we can wait until you're ready, but—"

"I'm ready," she interrupted before he could complete his thought.

"You want to?" he asked, sounding far more surprised than she'd anticipated.

"I'd like that very much."

They sat at a very ordinary bar only a few minutes away from work. There was nothing really romantic or notable about it, but the normalcy was nice. She knew that it had taken a lot of effort just to get there, to where they could sit across from each other and share a drink.

They spoke a little about their plans for Germany, and about things that had happened that day. They didn't argue or work out their grievances. For anyone else, stopping for a drink like this would not be especially significant. But it was very noteworthy to Jane. Kurt had carefully kept boundaries between them, only willingly interacting on a personal level during their walks or when Allie had entrapped them into spending time together at her rental.

Jane faced him, making eye contact over the small wooden table between them, watching him spin his glass of scotch as he chatted. She'd missed this. Their walks were pivotal in improving their communication, but she'd missed the intimacy of lingering stares, and the way she could see his love for her on his face. She would have sat there forever, if he'd asked her.

As soon as her heart clung to the idea of staying for a while, her phone rang, signaling that Avery was ready. It was time to take her back to the apartment to prepare for their trip the next day.

"I better get going," she regretfully explained. "Avery's done."

"No problem," he answered, standing and gesturing for her to lead the way.

* * *

Germany was an emotional roller coaster for Avery, really for all three of them. Avery was bombarded with memories that didn't sweeten her mood. Kurt relived the anguish of believing Avery was dead. Everyone was on edge.

Avery must have felt the constant hovering of Jane and Kurt, who both seemed terrified to let her out of arm's reach, and definitely not out of sight. The young woman clearly was not pleased when her step-father forced her to wear body armor before even getting off the plane. "You're paranoid," Avery griped as he checked and re-checked her armor to be sure she was as safe as possible.

Without shame, he answered, "Damn right I am."

Unfortunately, Kurt's protective behavior was not the worst thing for Avery, and the long line of questions and lineups that awaited her wore her down.

Avery looked wrecked as they waited for their flight home, like she wanted to cry or beat the hell out of something. Jane had stepped away to get them all a little snack. When she returned, she saw Avery sitting on a table, staring out the window. Jane wondered if Avery would ever be alright, since finding revenge seldom _really_ healed wounds. Jane could see Kurt talking to her, and Avery at least appeared to be listening.

The young woman eventually said something that provoked a look of shared loss in Kurt's expression. He put his hand on her shoulder, the one nearest him, not trying to hug her or be too close, just a gesture of support. Jane was surprised that Avery, for just a second, seemed to lean closer to him. Then the talking pair noticed Jane watching, and immediately separated.

She hoped Avery could give Kurt a chance, too. If they tried, Jane imagined they'd get along pretty well. She couldn't think of a better father or step-father, regardless of a daughter's age. As Jane approached, she heard Kurt say, "Your mom is one hell of a fighter. She should teach you a few moves for your own protection."

"I'm not her mom, not like that, anyway. Avery had a great mom, from everything I've heard, and she deserves that title," Jane said to Kurt. "Avery just calls me Jane, and that's fine by me."

Kurt stepped away to take a call, and Avery said, "It's kinda pathetic."

"What is?" Jane questioned.

"How hung up he still is on you. Almost as bad as when I saw him looking for you."

"I feel pretty pathetic without him, too," Jane admitted, "almost like being lost or ungrounded. It's hard to explain. But I don't enjoy it."

"Are you gonna run out again?" Avery asked bluntly.

"No," Jane shook her head. "I'll never run out on you. Ever. I'll be here, even when you don't want me here."

"You ran off on Kurt. Didn't you promise to stay with him when you got married?"

"It was a complicated situation, and…" Jane began, then paused. "Look, Avery, I'm far from perfect. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. And a lot of really messed up things have happened to me. Sometimes it's taken me a little longer to figure things out. But the one thing I've figured out lately, is that I have to learn from my mistakes, and adjust so that I don't repeat them. I'm here, to stay. Give me time, and I'll prove it to you. And to Kurt, too. I know him, he'll be there when you need him. I know we aren't a family like yours, like the one you grew up with, the one you love. But we have each other's backs."

* * *

Avery fell asleep on the plane, exhausted from her life in general. Jane and Kurt were in facing chairs, and he was leaning on the table between them and reviewing some of the documents they'd been given copies of by German authorities. They hit turbulence, and Jane saw Kurt smirk a glance at her. "What?" she asked.

"Just remembering," he softly replied. "The first time I was on a plane with you. How scared you were. A long time ago."

"Feels like it," she agreed. "I still don't like it. Airplanes, I mean. Turbulence."

He kept pouring over the papers, and she reached up onto the table near where his hand pinned the documents to stop them from fluttering away as the plane moved. She reached her index finger out and touched his finger, waiting for him to pull away. He remained, lifting his eyes to hers. "I remember how you held my hands that day. Well, kind of. More like covered them," she noted.

He sat back from his documents, but didn't break contact. "I remember that, too," he confessed.

His fingers curled over hers. He began to trace the honeycomb pattern on the back of her hand, studying it like it was the first time he'd ever seen it. He flipped her hand over, his thumb pressing into the muscle just below her thumb and across her palm, making her eyes close slightly with relaxation. He used to do that after very stressful days, and it still had the same calming effect. She felt a sense of peace descend at the longest shared touch they'd had since she'd left him.

Her fingers threaded through his, and still they didn't separate. She watched the way he honed all of his attention on the places where they touched. Emboldened, as if her heart had decided to speak before her mind agreed, she said, "I want you to come home."

"I want to, too."

"So come home," she said, feeling elation at the image that arose in her head.

"I'm not…I'm not ready yet," he replied, looking like he regretted the hurt it caused her. "I'm sorry, Jane. This trip, everything Avery's going through, everything you're going through…I want to make sure that this, _that I'm_ , what you really want. This needs to be what we both want, and not just a case of seeking comfort in something familiar."

"I understand. But that's not what this is, and I can prove it. Look at everything we've done. We're trying like hell to do things differently. If anything, it has been unfamiliar and uncomfortable. And undeniably worth it."

"I've dreamed of being back home with you. When I come home, I want it to be because we're both confident, ready to be married and together completely. I want to sleep next to you and know that I'm the one you want. Because once I'm there, I know I won't be able to hold back or—"

"I already know you're the one I want to be with. I don't have any doubts, and—"

An almost grotesque gagging sound came from Avery, who said, "Uh, god, that's so gross. I'm a really light sleeper lately, for the record. Let's all keep that in mind."

Jane smiled timidly at Kurt, and watched him nod a chuckle. Oddly enough, for the first time, it felt a little like she and Kurt could be Avery's parents. Of course she didn't say that aloud for fear that Avery would balk, but she enjoyed it anyway.

That night after they all checked in at the office, Kurt pulled Jane aside while Patterson spoke to Avery. "Friday…" he awkwardly began.

"Yea?" Jane responded with a hint of redness painting her cheeks. She knew what she hoped was coming, but didn't want to be disappointed if she'd misinterpreted things.

"Feel like going out on that date we've been talking about?"

"Definitely," she answered instantly. "On one condition…"

"What's that?"

"Let me choose the place. I'll pick you up."

He smirked, his own anticipation for the time together showing. "Sounds good to me."

Jane tried not to let her mind race, but it did. It finally felt like everything was falling into place. Maybe, very soon, this whole nightmare would be over, and their fully-shared life would begin again.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N are at the end of the chapter._

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Jane knew exactly where she wanted to take Kurt. She'd been thinking about it for a couple of weeks. She wanted the chance to show him what he meant to her, remind him a little of their past and hopefully a lot about their future.

Friday morning, hours before work, Jane was awake. She looked through her closet, less certain about what clothes to wear than she had been about where to go. Avery stumbled down the hall just before dawn and grunted at the coffee pot when she saw there was no coffee brewed. "It's all ready," Jane said when she joined her, "just turn it on. Why are you up so early?"

"Me?" Avery shook her head. "Why were you up?"

"Thinking."

"More like pacing. I couldn't sleep with all of that tap-tap-tap-tap," Avery mimicked Jane's steps.

"Sorry."

Avery stared at the coffee pot until enough was brewed to fill a cup, and she quickly poured it and replaced the decanter. "Wait," Avery said after she had a few sips, "you're not nervous for a date with your own husband, are you?"

"No," Jane replied immediately, then admitted, "maybe a little."

"You don't seem like the kind of woman to let a guy make you nervous."

"You should have seen me when I first met him," Jane chuckled fondly at the memory. "Believe it or not, he's so much shier than I am. We're both a weird combination of strong alpha and completely shy, at least where emotions are concerned. It's a miracle we ever got together. If I wouldn't have kissed him first, I don't think we ever would have happened. But then, later, he was the one to actually make a move when I probably wouldn't have."

Avery curled her lip in a sneer, the exact same sneer Jane sometimes wore.

"Anyway," Jane continued, "we don't exactly have a normal origin story."

"He married you, so I don't see why you'd be nervous. He already picked you, just remind him why. And, please, wear something date-worthy so I'm not humiliated that we share some of the same genes."

"What do you mean 'date-worthy'?"

"I saw what you had laid out on your bed. None of those things should be worn on a date that's important enough to get you up before the ass crack of dawn to pace."

"Most of the time before we were together, he saw me in body armor. I don't think clothes matter much to him."

Avery dramatically rolled her eyes. "They matter. Besides, don't you want to watch his jaw hit the floor when he sees you?"

"I feel uncomfortable in fancy clothes. It's not me."

"I wasn't suggesting a gown and tiara," Avery countered. The young woman poured a cup of coffee and handed it across the counter. "You're hopeless," she added without venom.

* * *

The work day felt like an eternity. The only time they left the office, their efforts didn't amount to anything, so it was just a long, tedious day. The best part was at the end, when she walked up to Kurt and asked, "Can I pick you up at seven?"

"I'll be waiting," he smiled back, eyes dancing with anticipation.

Patterson and Zapata showed up to keep an eye on Avery. The girl griped and moaned about having babysitters, but Jane suspected Avery didn't dislike Patterson or Zapata. Patterson had promised to bring her something to help pass the time, and Jane hoped that it would ease Avery's boredom.

When a knock finally came, Avery waited behind Jane while she answered it. Patterson held up a gaming system she'd brought for Avery, but the moment Avery saw the agents, she said, "Would you please talk to Jane about how to go on a date?"

"Huh?" Zapata asked.

"Look at what she's wearing!"

Zapata looked at Jane, initially appearing like she would defend her, but then she shrugged. "The kid's right. It's your first date in a long time."

"I dunno," Patterson added, "Kurt likes the informal thing. Most of the time they've been together, she's gone with FBI-Kevlar-chic ."

"That's what I said," Jane replied, pleased to find an ally.

Turning to Avery, Patterson said, "Kurt was, literally, the only guy at their wedding who didn't wear a tie. They're not really formalwear kinda people."

"This is a date, and she paced so long she woke me up. I just think she should put a little extra effort in," Avery replied.

"Sure," Patterson countered, "so she'll be woefully _over dressed_ when Weller meets her in jeans and a tee shirt?"

"No, no way," Zapata retorted, "no way Weller's wearing a tee shirt. Maybe the jeans…but not a tee shirt."

"He'll wear a button down shirt, jeans, and a jacket," Jane said certainly. "I'm positive."

"I'll take that action. What's the wager?" Patterson replied.

"We're getting distracted," Avery interrupted. "Who cares about what he's wearing. The point is, when he sees her, he should feel like the biggest idiot in the world for every day he decides not to come home. Isn't that the point?"

"Aww," Patterson said, "You're trying to help them get back together? That's so sweet. Like a weird adult child version of a Parent Trap reboot."

"I don't care if they get back together or not," Avery snapped, but Patterson and Zapata both stared their disbelief in her direction. "I'm just tired of them moping all of the time, like someone kicked their puppy. And the _staring_ when the other one isn't looking! I can't be the only one who thinks that's creepy. And annoying. Take a picture and stare at it on your phone like everyone else."

Her eyes remaining suspiciously on Avery, Zapata asked Jane, "So what were you going to wear?"

"This," Jane said, gesturing over her very ordinary outfit.

Jane received a chorus of groans, which she waved off, but did think it would be fun to have Kurt's jaw drop, just a little. She found a simple black dress, midway between casual and elegant, short enough to show her legs. He'd helped her select it, loving the way the sleeves displayed her arms and tattoos. It was, literally, the only time they'd ever shopped for clothes together in their marriage full of separation. She'd bought this before they'd even gotten married, and never worn it. He must have had it sent back from Colorado.

Emerging from their room to a kitchen full of onlookers, Jane automatically grimaced and said, "Or I could wear this?"

Patterson whistled as Zapata said, "Looking like that, I may take you home."

"Go with that," Patterson added.

"Less horrible," Avery said with a tone of disinterest, but her satisfied smirk showed that she was proud of her victory.

* * *

The problem with wearing clothes like that was that Jane automatically felt extra self-conscious. She hadn't given him any clue about where they were going. She hoped his reaction upon seeing her would be an admiring or intrigued one, and not confusion as to why his normally utilitarian-dressing wife was wearing this.

She knocked on his door, straightening the dress for the hundredth time. The moment he opened the door and saw her and his eyes skimmed over her body, it felt worth it. "You look absolutely beautiful," he complimented.

"I still feel ridiculous in dresses," she commented.

"I wasn't talking about the dress," he flirted.

Jane felt that strange flush of embarrassment that she thought shouldn't happen since he was hardly new to her. But in some ways, this _was_ completely new. They were still bound by old vows, but this relationship was not the same as it had been a few years ago.

"You look very handsome," she noted.

"Am I under dressed?" he asked.

She looked at the dress shirt, jacket, and jeans that she'd predicted he would wear. "It's perfect. Are you ready?" she asked.

"Let's go."

She took him to a high rise on the water with expansive glass windows and an upscale entrance. He didn't ask any questions as she spoke to the attendant in the lobby before they went to the elevator. They went nearly to the very top before they stepped out.

"Is getting kicked out of a place like this on your bucket list?" he teased.

She opened the apartment door, and the moment they were inside, both of them sighed at the beauty of it. "What do you think?" she asked as she pointed to the balcony.

"When you said K&R paid really well…" he began.

"Not that well," she chuckled.

"So this isn't your new place?"

"God, no. The owner of this place, Gillian Duncan, hired me to find her husband a year or so ago. I did. She was very grateful. I spent a few days with her. It wasn't a typical job, she actually paid extra to come along. She really should go into K&R herself. But we started talking about the city, the things I missed…and she said if I ever got back, she had one of the best views out there. She wasn't lying."

"This is incredible."

Jane held her hand out in invitation, and he took it, willingly allowing her to take him to the balcony. When they stepped out, glass walls offered an unobstructed but climate-controlled view. "We can open these," Jane said, tapping the glass, "if I can find the controls."

There was a chilled bottle of champagne on the table, and she said, "I thought maybe we could celebrate our first date…well, sort of."

He picked up the bottle and looked at the label and said, "This bottle costs more than our apartment. That woman must have been _really_ grateful."

"You'd like her," Jane noted. "She was surprisingly badass."

Kurt poured them each a glass, and she nodded her gratitude. She lifted it in a toast and said, "To us, first dates, and building marriages that last."

Admittedly she'd thought about her toast for a long time.

Kurt looked out over the view and she opened one of the window coverings to let some of the noise and outside air in. He didn't say very much, standing and leaning against the railing with his arm against hers.

"Why here?" Kurt asked after a minute.

"You don't like it?"

"It's amazing. I love it. I'm just curious why, out of all of the places in New York City, you chose this one."

"Trying to get in my head, Agent Weller?"

"Maybe a little," he allowed.

"Did you see over there?" she asked, leaning into him and pointing to a place in the distance.

"Yes," he responded. "Statue of Liberty."

"Exactly."

"I had no idea patriotism was such a turn on for you," he bantered.

"The patriotism isn't the point. You really don't get it?"

He turned to face her, his elbow still leaning on the railing, "Tell me."

"Our very first case. I was scared, nervous, uncertain…so confused. I felt completely lost. I don't ever remember feeling so weak. Until…you trusted me. You trusted me to shoot right toward you. You had faith in me before I had it in myself. We started with faith, and trust. That's what I want us to build everything on."

"Like I said…it's perfect."

"You really didn't know what I was thinking?"

"I thought it had to do with when we met," he admitted. "But…"

"Keep going," she smiled subtly. He was so ridiculously attractive when he was timid, because she knew she was seeing part of him that he usually kept hidden. She doubted most people ever imagined someone so authoritative and controlled had a soft underbelly.

"I ordered a new copy of our wedding video for us, and I watched it to make sure Roman didn't ruin that one too."

"And did he?"

"No. That copy was clean. But when I re-watched it, I realized how sappy and romantic I was compared to you. I didn't want to come up with some starry-eyed explanation if the real reason was because it's free and you're just trying to impress me to get in my pants." He smiled at the end, his joke making her feel at ease.

"I guess I can be kind of unromantic."

"Me too. But this…this is very romantic. I'll have to step up my game."

"I just want you to know that…I don't take you for granted. You're worth the effort. I love you, Kurt. So much. And I'll do whatever it takes to make this work."

"I love you, too." She could see a few tears line his eyelids. "And I'm willing to do whatever it takes."

"I think once a week, we should plan a date. And once a week we should try to take one of our walks, or at least have a chance to talk. If we do that on date night, we may not want to talk about stuff that could ruin the mood."

"We have time for that?"

"We'll make time. We can find time to talk in cars, on airplanes…our walks don't have to be literal. But having that connection seems to have helped."

"I'd like that."

She reached between them, her finger hooking his shirt at the opening between buttons. "I miss you, even when I'm with you. It still feels like there's too much space between us."

"I know," he stated, only the slightest bit above a whisper.

His eyes met hers, and the connection swelled through her lungs, heart, and mind. Everything was suddenly magnified in its intensity, from the cool glass flute in her other hand, to the chilly breeze that prickled her skin, to the warmth of his nearness. She tilted her chin up to him, watching him consider her lips, one corner of his mouth curling upward.

Static filled the space between them, like hairs standing on end before a lightning strike. When the doorbell sounded, she actually whined, "Dammit."

He chuckled and asked, "We expecting company?"

"No. Hang on, I'll be right back."

She hurried to the door, trying not to run but hearing an amused sound come from Kurt as he watched her. Two attendants brought food, courtesy of Gillian Duncan, entering the apartment and arranging it all on the table on the balcony.

"Anything else you require?" the man asked.

Being waited on like this was even more uncomfortable than wearing a dress, but she appreciated the gesture. "We're fine," she answered. "Thank you."

She followed behind them to shut the door, and when she returned, Kurt was looking through the various offerings and had taken a seat at the table. Jane sighed at the broken moment, and silently counted how many of those there'd been in their lives together. She reminded herself to be patient. They were building something good, so there could be many, many nights together, if they did this right.

Conversation flowed so easily, all of their previous talks making the subsequent ones come more effortlessly. By all accounts, this was a practically perfect date. The company was wonderful, the food was delicious, the champagne was unparalleled to anything she'd ever had to drink before. First and foremost, the man across from her was Kurt. He was the man who'd looked out for her, appreciated and trusted her, fallen in love with her, chased her across the globe. He was the man who refused to really quit on her and their relationship, even when things became so difficult it nearly broke them forever.

They danced without music on the balcony, the touches that had been so rare gradually reappearing in their interactions. As they danced, the closeness between them increased, their demeanor overtly affectionate. It seemed like they were finally getting back where they needed to be, to where things could be okay. When his eyes met hers this time, she could see that he wanted to kiss her, and hoped that nothing would stop them this time.

Her cell phone rang, though, and she wondered if she'd been somehow cursed to a life of frustration for her misdeeds. "Don't worry about it. I'll get it later."

"It's late, well after midnight," Kurt reminded her. "Better make sure everything's okay."

She found her phone, and a moment of confusion was rapidly replaced by irritation.

"Everything okay?" Kurt asked. "Is Roman—"

"It's Clem," she honestly said. She did not want to tell Kurt who was dialing her phone at this hour. In fact, the timing couldn't have really been worse, and she wasn't sure which option would have been preferable, Roman or Clem. Lying to Kurt would imply that she had something to hide, and she knew that she couldn't hide such things from him without the risk of losing him, possibly forever. "I've asked him not to call," she explained. "I told him I was committed to you, and working things out here. I swear—"

The phone stopped ringing, and then a second later, a text came through.

"Maybe it's important," Kurt said, looking more the stoic agent than the passionate lover. He didn't appear angry or sad, but certainly serious.

Jane wondered if she was being paranoid or if she felt distance rising between them once again. "I'll call him back," she offered. "You can listen to the conversation, or read the texts, nothing is going on. I'm not hiding anything from you."

Kurt pondered for a moment, and then thoughtfully answered, "That's not who I want to be. I don't want to be the husband that listens in on his wife's calls, or checks her phone records, or tells her who she can or cannot talk to. That's not the type of relationship I want, and I don't think you want that either. You would resent that, I think we both would. We've been trying to build trust, but doing that, checking up on you…seems like the opposite of trust."

Her phone rang again, and Kurt leaned over, placing a sparsely felt kiss on her cheek. "I had a great evening," he said.

"Come back to the apartment with me and—"

"Not tonight," he said, her phone sounding yet again. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Jane answered the phone as Kurt left. Clem had some information about Avery's father's death, and thought Jane would want it. The information was useful, and had he told her at almost any other time and place, she would have felt nothing but gratitude. But it had been the worst time and place. Jane gave Clem Patterson's contact information and asked him to send it directly to her. "Are you okay?" Clem asked. "I'm always here if you want to talk."

"Thanks for the intel," Jane said. "I need to go."

Jane went back to the apartment, feeling more lonely than being alone usually made her feel. Kurt had made a good point…trust shouldn't require monitoring, but she wasn't sure how to build that trust and show proof of her intentions without allowing him access. The bottom had fallen out of her perfect date night. Sometimes it felt like the universe was staunchly opposed to her experiencing happiness for any length of time. Kurt said he'd talk to her tomorrow, but that felt like a very long time away, and she wasn't sure if the call from Clem would do lasting damage.

When she went into the apartment, the three waiting women all "whooped" a tease, until they saw Jane's expression. She tried not to look too devastated, but she just wished the last five minutes could be forgotten and they could remember their perfect date.

"What happened?" Zapata asked. "No good?"

"It was really nice," Jane said. "I had an amazing time."

She fought tears, refusing to break down in front of Avery, Patterson, and Zapata, but Jane knew they could all tell she was unhappy.

"Need a drink?" Patterson offered.

"Yea," Jane replied, kicking off the uncomfortable shoes she'd chosen to wear.

A moment later, a knock came at the door. Jane went to answer it, knowing who she hoped would be there, but expecting something from the FBI Security team. When she peeked out, Kurt was waiting. "Can I talk to you for just a minute?" he asked. "In private."

"Sure," Jane said, following him out into the hall. She hoped to hell he didn't come here to officially end things. "Are you okay?"

"I forgot something when I left," he answered calmly.

He lovingly cradled her face, bringing her lips to his. She'd anticipated a few kisses lately, none of which had materialized. But this one, the unexpected one, was perfection. She stilled for a moment, soaking in the feeling of being kissed by the man she loved, but once she responded, the tenderness became much hungrier. The repressed passion between them awoke as they kissed like the rest of the world had disappeared. When they paused for just a second, arms tightly holding each other, Jane shook her head, "Wait…what happened?"

"I listened to my own advice. I don't want to monitor you, or check into you like some kind of suspect. At some point, I'm going to have to make a leap of faith. I'm going to have to trust that you've chosen me, that I'm the one you want. I'm going to have to trust that you will stay and work things out, and not leave me. I don't want to look back and wonder what could have been, to be too scared to really try. But I want you to be with me because that is what you want, not because I'm watching over you. I only want you if I'm truly the one you want to be with."

"You are the one I want to be with. The only one."

"You too. And I started thinking about all of the things I'm missing. The days with you, times with our kids, weird though our situation may be. I keep thinking of all of the times we haven't had yet, the life we could still have together. Nothing is guaranteed. If this blows up and I get hurt…then I get hurt, but at least I'll get hurt living the life I want to live. I don't want to sacrifice another moment of our lives together. I want this. I want our marriage. I want to come home and start living like a couple again. I want the life with you that I've dreamed of. And I couldn't wait another minute to tell you that, so here I am. What do you think? Do—"

Jane grabbed him, the kiss passionately mind-numbing, a welcome back moment they both craved. When she pulled back, she nodded, "I want this. All of that. You. Me. Our life. I want us in the same home, spending time with our family. I want to make love with you, wake up in your arms, try to make up for all of the hours we've missed, and…"

"Maybe we should take this inside," he suggested.

"Zapata, Patterson, and Avery are all in there waiting for me."

"Oh," he nodded. "I should have called."

"No, not at all. You still have your hotel room?"

"Yea. My stuff is still there, I came straight over here once I figured things out."

"Give me a minute," she suggested, opening the door. "Hey," she called to Zapata and Patterson, "I know it's late, but is there any chance you could stay a little while longer. I need to get Kurt back to his hotel and—"

"Go," both said in chorus, pointing at the door.

Jane realized she was probably a mess, her hair disheveled, lips red, likely blushing, but she really didn't care. "Just give me a couple of hours. If you get tired, you can crash on the—"

"Would you just go," Patterson insisted. "Now."

"Yea," Jane replied, grabbing her boots because she didn't want to walk another step in her dress shoes. "Guys, thanks, really, I promise I'll be home by—"

"Don't step foot in this apartment before 10 am tomorrow," Zapata dryly warned. "If you come in before then, I may mistake you for an intruder and shoot you. I'd hate for that to happen."

Jane grinned, "Thanks guys. And—"

"Go!" all three shouted since Avery joined in, pointing at the door.

"Are we good?" Kurt asked when she returned to him.

"We're fantastic, except for the fact that I'll have to try to keep my hands off you until we're back at the hotel."

They hurried to the hotel, clouded by love and longing, but when they reached the end of the hall near his room, Jane grabbed his arm. "Wait a second," she said, fretting slightly. "I want this, I want _you_ so bad. I mean I've thought of us getting back here again."

"Me too."

"What does that mean for tomorrow? Are you…really ready to come home? I don't want to have tonight and then leave here tomorrow and not know. You said you want us to be a couple again, but—"

"Tonight it's just us, and finding each other again."

"Okay," she slowly answered, trying to mask her disappointment that he'd evaded the question.

"And then tomorrow," he continued, "you help me pack up my stuff and check out, and you and I…finally go home. Together. Does that sound alright to you?"

Jane's uncertainty faded into a look of absolute relief. She quickly replied, "It's perfect," before she grabbed his hand and practically ran for the room. He fumbled at his jacket pockets for the keycard for his room, but in her impatience, she shoved his back against the door and began kissing him. There was no restraint in her reaction, her hands grasping at him as if her life depended on it. She figured he'd find their way into the room, and didn't require her help.

It didn't take her long to open the buttons on his shirt and slide her hands between the fabric and his skin. "I missed you," she said between kisses.

"Me too," he replied.

She felt both of his hands on the tops of her thighs, lifting her legs and pulling them around his hips. She doubted the dress was doing much to cover her lower half anymore. His hands felt incredible, familiar, and powerful on her thighs. His body, warm and firm and strong, so different from the feathery, disconnected feelings of fantasies and dreams. She could never fully capture what he actually felt like whenever her mind tried to ease her longing for him with memories. There was nothing like this, the two of them, actually together.

But she realized that if both of his hands were on her, they weren't busily unlocking the door. "Kurt," she panted, "door?"

"What?" he asked, looking thoroughly and adorably bewildered.

"Where's the key?" she giggled at him, touching his face sweetly to hold his concentration.

"Uhh," he looked down at his jacket, but his eyes found her cleavage and locked there. It was official, Kurt's brain had checked out for the night. "Jacket," he replied, kissing the exposed parts near the top of her chest.

"Getting pretty close to public indecency charges here," she commented, reaching in his upper breast pocket and finding the keycard. "Jail isn't the place I want to spend my first night back with you."

She reached past him, using the keycard and swiping three times while his lips moved over her neck. With each swipe of the key, she saw a red light indicating that the door wouldn't open. If they had to go down to the lobby to request a new key, she wasn't sure how they'd wait any longer. On the fourth try, the light turned green and she pushed down the handle to open the door.

His back had been leaning on the door, so they tumbled into the room, Kurt slamming full force onto the floor inside, Jane on top of him. "Are you okay?" she asked, finding him laughing.

"Never better," he replied, pushing up her dress so his hands could roam further.

She leaned back and shut and locked the door, thrilled that finally he seemed to be completely lost in her, and unthinking. In recent days, he'd always held back, but it seemed that he'd fully surrendered to the necessity of _them_.

They held each other like separated lovers finally reunited. The invisible barrier that had been between them, built of secrets, sadness, and distrust, was gone. It was amazing how much distance an invisible barrier could create, and how much closer two people could feel once it was gone.

* * *

**_-The End-_ **

_A/N-Okay, this is the end. I will likely post a one-shot epilogue follow up under a different title and probably rating (writing under a T-rating made me realize how often I swear…should probably work on that at some point). Thank you so much for your comments and favorites, I can't tell you how much inspiration they provide. Thanks again!_


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